In this quest to live a more authentic life, I have made giant steps to embrace who I am and learn to set boundaries. I'm writing this post to help you live more authentically, learn to say no, and understand what makes you happy. It has not been an easy journey, and guilt has knocked me many times when setting boundaries. I have been living with the syndrome of the good girl for all these years, and it is still ingrained in me. People have known me for a long time as the good girl. The one making compromises, going with the flow, and being straightforward. Like I never had an opinion. I remember as a teenager, there was one boy who had asked me do you ever have an opinion? I didn't even know who I was, so how could I even make an opinion? I just wanted to be loved.
And you know what? These people still have the same exact expectations of me and don't understand what's going on when I dare to say no or throw all their suggestions overboard. How strange it must feel that the person they knew was a fake. I have lost a few friendships, but setting boundaries means I won't cross paths with so-called friends who babble about me behind my back.
The more I worked on transforming myself, the less I was accepting of any bullshit I came across in a conversation or loose time with someone who has little respect for themselves.
REVEAL YOUR TRUE SELF: THE PATH TO AUTHENTICITY
For years, I have been wearing a mask, hiding my true self, pretending to be someone I was not. I wanted to fit in, please everyone, and be so cool that people would unconditionally love me. I can tell you I was close to burnout. No one can sustain erasing their personality, shutting down their needs and putting everyone else first. I must forgive myself for all the opportunities I have missed in my career by not standing up for myself, being the wallflower, trying to hide and not getting noticed, hoping to be discovered because I was shutting up and working so bloody hard. Did I ever get recognition for my hard work? Of course not. Did I get a promotion?
On the contrary, I was downgraded at every opportunity. As you can guess, my professional career has been a disaster, but would I be sharing these words with you if it had been successful? I may have reached the glass ceiling wearing a Cruella mask but again completely inauthentic. I believe that we can learn from our flaws, and there's always an opportunity to make the most of heartache if you're willing to work on it.
I had a severe issue with having such low self-esteem to the point that I wanted to be someone else. I have finally encountered who I am. Are you in the same scenario? Have you ever wondered what it would be like to embrace your true identity and live a life aligned with your passions and values? If so, this post is for you. Get ready to embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery as we explore the path to authenticity.
I'm here to help you challenge societal expectations, embrace vulnerability, and help you unearth your passions. I aim to help you silence the inner critic and give you practical steps to living authentically. Get ready to reveal your true self and unleash your full potential.
UNDERSTANDING AUTHENTICITY: WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN?
To truly embark on the path to authenticity, it's crucial to understand what authenticity really means. At its core, authenticity is about being genuine, true to oneself, and aligned with one's values and passions. It's about peeling back the layers of societal expectations, shedding the masks we wear, and embracing our true identity without fear.
Authenticity is not about conforming to the mould of what others expect us to be. It's about breaking free from the constraints of norms and unmasking the expectations imposed upon us. Society and / or family often pressure us to fit into predefined roles and meet specific standards. Still, genuine authenticity requires us to challenge these expectations, question them, and redefine them on our terms.
Creating a version of ourselves that aligns with set ideals can be tempting in a world that constantly bombards us with images of perfection and success. However, living authentically means embracing our imperfections and vulnerabilities. It means accepting that we don't have to be flawless or have all the answers. It's about being comfortable with who we are, flaws and all, and having the courage to show up as our true selves.
Authenticity also involves tapping into our passions and aligning our actions with our values. It's about pursuing the things that truly light us up and bring us joy rather than just going through the motions of what we think we should be doing.
UNMASKING FAMILY AND SOCIETY'S EXPECTATIONS: BREAKING FREE FROM THE MOULD
Who did you want to be when you grew up? I dreamed of flying the skies as a stewardess, travelling from one corner of the world to another. The dream didn't materialise, which was another knock on my self-esteem. By this dream, I wanted to prove that I could do much better than what was expected of me. I could break the mould of settling into a relationship at 20 and get married like most of my friends did. So what did I do? I got into a relationship just because it was the thing to do and conform. Try to look in your past where you have conformed to family or societal expectations? What did you hold back? Which dream didn't materialise? What was the dream? Is it still your dream today?
I'm inviting you to break the chains holding you back, how is your life looking at the moment? Do you feel aligned with who you are? Are you in a job that fulfils you? Are you creating art with meaning? These questions will make you feel vulnerable, and often, being vulnerable feels like being weak, so we tend to avoid it and wear this contrived mask, pretending that everything is fine while we are a mess inside.
It's scary to show your vulnerability to the world. For a long time, vulnerability was a dirty word I wanted to part from. For me, it meant being weak and giving too much information away. In my quest to be the people pleaser, I was also a perfectionist, the opposite of being vulnerable. When you're a perfectionist, you're trying to control every inch of yourself you put in front of people, whether on social media or elsewhere. It is incompatible with vulnerability because you see vulnerability as being out of control. So, to be authentic, you have to let go of perfectionism and make friends with vulnerability. It’s like jumping in the deep end of a pool for the first time, it is scary. You have no idea what to expect, but you will be fine. You will come back to the surface and take a breath.
I'm in the process of embracing vulnerability and have been creating artwork that makes me feel vulnerable. Creating this work felt like a natural evolution as I had to let go of controlling what my audience would think of it? And it felt great. I'm not 100% comfortable presenting this type of artwork yet, but it feels very authentic and allows me to use my voice as a fine art photographer, sharing these artworks and writing these words.
EMBRACING VULNERABILITY: THE KEY TO UNLOCKING YOUR TRUE SELF
Embracing vulnerability goes hand in hand with authenticity because it allows us to open ourselves up to others and share our true thoughts, emotions, and experiences without fear of judgment or rejection. When we embrace vulnerability, we let go of the need to appear perfect or invulnerable, and instead, we invite others to connect with us on a deeper level. In this space of vulnerability, we can indeed be seen and understood for who we are.
While vulnerability may initially seem daunting or uncomfortable, it is through embracing it that we can cultivate genuine connections and relationships. By sharing our vulnerabilities with others, we create a safe space for them to do the same, fostering trust and empathy. This vulnerability allows us to form authentic connections based on a mutual understanding and acceptance of each other's true selves.
Revealing your true self can be a transformative and liberating experience. Embracing authenticity empowers you to live a life aligned with your values and passions. Now is the time to shed the masks and enter your true identity. Are you on the same journey as I am? Share in the comments